You Bleed So You Know Your Alive
by Rutter66463
Summary: Like title says. T- For self harm
1. The Problem

Once Joy Came back it seemed like everyone just forgot me. In with the new toy out with the old.

Nina POV:

I was sitting on my new bed all alone. Trudy had moved me up to the attic so Joy could share with Amber. No one really talked to me.

"Supper!" Trudy called from the kitchen. I pulled down my sleeves and walked down. There was no room for me and the table so I put some food on my plate and trudged upstairs.

I sat on my bed thinking about how everyone used to be my friends. I pulled up my sleeves and looked at the scars. I pulled out my box from under the bed. I shuffled through the contents until I found what I was looking for. My Razor. I quickly grabbed it and put it on my wrist. I slid it across about 7 times. I pulled my sleeves down and let the blood soak into them. I grabbed my cold, untouched plate and walked downstairs to throw it away. I put the dish in the sink and started walking back to my room. Letting the blood drip from my finger tips and onto the cold wooden stairs. I didn't care if people saw the blood, they wouldn't care. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked like a skeleton. I had cuts on my arms, legs, and stomach. I rinsed my wrist of in the sink, leaving the blood there to dry. No one would worry. I was nothing.

Sorry if that was bad. Its hard to write this stuff :/ its easier to live it.

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	2. In to deep

I'M SORRY THESE ARE SO SHORT. But I write them on my phone when I'm away from home. :/

I woke up in the morning still tired. I took out my razor and pulled up my shirt. 3 long cuts down my stomach. After that I got dressed. You can see the cuts on my legs in the school uniform but who would even see them? No one ever looks at me. I grabbed my stuff and left for school alone, without eating breakfast. I sat in the back if the class. Not bothering to pay attention. When the bell rang I slowly walked back to Anubis. I walked up to my room and changed into a long black sleeved shirt and jean shorts. I sat on my bed and pulled out my razor. Slide it across my thighs a couple times. Then stand up to watch the blood drip down my legs. I thought I heard a knock at the door but I think I'm finally going insane. I put the razor to my wrist and press down. Dragging it across my wrist. It hurts way more than last time. More blood is pooling out. I stand up but get light headed and fall. I hear foot steps and the door open. I hear a gasp and then feel warm arms embrace me. I look up to see Fabian before blacking out.

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	3. The Letter

I heard a beeping sound. It kept getting louder and louder as I slowly regained conciseness. When I first opened my eyes I saw a plain white hospital room. I had an IV in my arm and gauze around both my wrist. I had struck a vein. When everyone noticed I had woken up they jumped to my side. Fabian gripped my hand and Amber laid a hand on my shoulder. They all said they were sorry. And that they wish they would've been better friends. Of course they wish that. I almost killed myself. The doctor came in and told everyone to leave while he checked my cuts.

About a week later I was deployed from the hospital. A cab took me home and I walked into Anubis. Everyone jumped out from there hiding spots saying surprised. I shrugged them off and walked up to my room. And sat down on my bed. I pulled out my box to see my razor gone. I threw the box on the ground. It hit and tipped over spewing all the contents. I put my head in my pillow and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Why was I such a failure? Why couldn't I just have died in the hospital? I sat up. There was a piece of paper on my desk. I picked it up. It read:

Nina,  
I'm sorry we ignored you. I don't even know why we did it. Probably to caught up in joy. I came up here to tell you that. And also... I love you.  
Xxx Fabian

I smiled at the note. I got up and walked downstairs. Everyone was in bed. I walked into Fabians room. He was up playing his guitar. He smiled at me and patted the bed next to him. I walked over to him and sat down.  
"I got the letter"

Thanks for all the reviews! The story is not over yet! It's hard to write…. But easy to live.


	4. Pefect Almost

Thanks for all the positive reviews :) I myself used to be a cutter. I've learned to stop because there are people who care :)

Fabian looked up at me. Our eyes met and it was just like in all the stupid romantic movies. He leaned in and kissed  
me. The kiss lasted about 4 minute before I pulled away. All the pain I used to feel slowly faded. All the emptiness in my heart was slowly filled. I vowed to myself and everyone who cared that I would try to never intentionally hurt myself again. But it would still be hard. I kissed Fabians cheek and headed up to my room and sat down. I laid down and feel asleep.

I woke up the next day totally refreshed. I got dressed in jean shorts and a white tank top. Not afraid to show my cuts and scars to everyone, and headed down stairs. Fabian had saved me a seat next to him. I made myself a plate as sat down next to him. He put his arm around me and kissed my cheek. Everything was going great. Me and Amber were going to go shopping later, Fabian planned a picnic for later tonight and we were all going out to see a movie. Everything was slowly becoming perfect. I had all my friends back, Fabian as a boyfriend, and my gran was healthy back in America. Little did I know I would be getting a very upsetting phone call later tonight?

I will update soon!


	5. I'll keep this a secret

Hi. I'm back. Bye. Lol XD

Nina POV

trudy called me into the foyer after dinner. She told me the phone was for me.

"hello" I said

"Hello this is . Your grandmother passed away earlier thiS morning due to heart failure. I'm terribly sorry."

Years formed in my eyes and dripped down my fave before I could

Even hang up. I

Dropped the

Phone and ran upstairs. Completely overwhelmed. I needed

Some

Sort or release. I was crying hard an my vision blurred. Ifumbled through my box until i found it. My razor. I quickly glided it over the Skin on both my hips and my thighs. There less visable and no one has to know I started cutting

Again. Nothing bad will

Happen right?

No one will know and I won't become addicted again.

I cried the rest of my tears away and slowly fell asleep.

Sorry it's short. But I've been really busy lately. I'll try to UPDTE more often. Review please :)


	6. Falling into Old Habits

nina POV:

I woke up the next day. My hips and my thighs were sore. My gan was gone. How could she be gone... shes all i had left. Without noticing the tears had allready been falling. Yet again I pulled up my shirt, grabbs my blade, and ran it along my skin a couple times. I waited for the blood flow to slow down then i wiped the blood away. I pulled my shirt over my head and changed into a Black tank top. I also picked out a pair of Blue mid-thigh shorts. I left everything on my bed and walked to the bathroom. I put my makeup on and looked at myself in the mirror. Ive gained weight... I stepped on the scale. 98.2lbs... I sighed. i walked down to the kitchen and took my seat next to fabian. He smiled and kissed my forehead. trudy put our food in front of us. I simply pushed mine away

"im good Trudy, Not hungry this morning" i said with a smile

No one questioned me and everyone went on eating. Its sad that no ones noticed ive fallen back into old habits...

The rest of the day went by fast. We all went into town. went shopping and went out for icecream. i bought. Black skull shorts. Red tank top, Green Flipflops, Blue and green shorts, and amber insisted we buy Crop tops and short ripped shorts together.. Not like ill be wearing them anytime soon...

once we go home everyone went there seperate ways. Fabian Kissed me goodnight and we all went to our rooms. I sat on my bed and held my blade in my hand. I pulled my shorts down and slid it across, hard and fast. This one was deeper, it hurt more, it bled more. i was terrified. What the hell have i gotten myself into?


End file.
